The War On Solstice

Happy Holidays, Bill O'Reilly!

It's that time of year, the first snow fall, the thrill of black Friday, yuletide carols being sung by a choir and jackasses ranting about the "war on Xmas."

When I was a kid, and a Catholic, my family said, "Happy Holidays" all the time. It simply meant, "If I don't see you, happy Thanksgiving, Xmas and New Year." It referred to the holiday season.

But the O'Reillyites have to have something to bitch about. Those poor oppressed Xtians. They make it sound like "happy holidays" is a brand new slogan created a year ago by the liberals as part of the assault on Xmas. I've actually heard it said the liberals are trying to take away their right to say, "Merry Xmas."

And the store protests, almighty Atheismo, help me! The stores don't give two fucks about anyone’s religious holiday. Target management is not thinking, "Screw those Xtians. I'm not saying Xmas. I'm EVIL, ha ha ha ha!!" Nor are they thinking, "Ooh. Don't want to offend any Muslims by not including their holidays." Their thinking, "Happy holidays. It's warm and cheery in here. Come and spend your money." They're not being PC in order to spare people's feelings. If anything, they're taking advantage of the PC movement in order to be inclusive of everyone's money!

If the Xtians really want to protest an attack on their precious holiday, they should protest the stores who target Xmas specifically by saying, "Merry Xmas." Because when stores do that, they have one thing in mind. And it ain't the birth of X. It's, get your Xtian money in here. That's it. So the Xtians should be furious at the stores who DO say, "Merry Xmas," violating the sanctity of the holiday for commercial purposes. Shit the war on Xmas has been going on for centuries.

From now on when someone complains about the war on Xmas, I respond with, "Screw you. Xtians have been perpetrating a war on Solstice for two thousand years! Xmas is a stolen pagan holiday!"