Thank you. You're welcome.

True story:
I had this girlfriend a long time ago, back during my spiritual journey. She was fundy Christian. She and I were driving at night in the middle of winter.

Suddenly we skidded out. It was really no big deal. We were on a nice wide, four-lane road with no ditches – in fact with a curb – and it was deserted, but for us. We were only moving about 40 mph when we went over some railroad tracks. That little bump was enough on that slick stretch to send us into a very slow skid.

Immediately she started praying, “Help me Jesus! Oh dear God, Jesus please don’t let us die.” Etc.

I was at once annoyed and trying to keep control of the car. Seriously, I thought, “Well that’s not going to help.”

The car made a wide, slow sweep that took us to the other side of the road where, once it bumped the curb, it came to a stop. I mean, it was not the stuff of action movies. Remember the OJ chase, all those shots from the helicopter and you watched going, “Well this is the lamest chase I’ve ever seen?” Yeah, it was like that. Really, no big.

As soon as we stopped moving she, hands still clasped in prayer, whispered hoarsely, “Thank you!”

I turned to her and said, with as much annoyed sarcasm as I could muster, “You’re welcome!”

I think that may have been the beginning of the end of our relationship.

Whenever I have a meal prepared by someone I know I like to say, “Could we please stop and give thanks?” then turn to the cook and say, “Thank you.”

And here’s a joke I stole from Dan Barker:
I man is nearly late for a very important interview and is having trouble finding a parking space.

He starts praying, “Oh dear Jesus, help me! Please provide me a parking space right up close so I will make to my interview on time!”

At the last possible moment, a minute before his appointment someone pulls out of a spot right in front of the door. The man says, “Never mind, Jesus. I found one myself.”